The dream is still different.

I’m selfish because I’m mostly blogging about this to reassure myself.  I wrote a blog on July 11, 2011 titled, “My dream is different now." I’m basically reposting the same blog with some edits and revisions because in case you haven’t seen this in your own life, I’ll testify that often things tend to circulate back through my life. Lessons I think I’ve learned are challenged at a deeper, more intense level.

So anyone who knew me intimately a few years ago, or talked to me on a bad day this year, could attest that all too often my dream for myself was, and has a tendency to be, the American dream. The midwest, small-town dream. You know the one. The hard-working husband, finely-furnished house, and respectable teaching job. The life that is a reality for many of my American friends, and that’s okay. It’s okay because it’s where God has put them; it’s where God has equipped them to be; it’s where God has set their mission field.

But, my dream is different now, and for some reason that scares me.

God made me a promise a long time ago when it was written, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

What a beautiful promise!

And yet, so many of us are frustrated because we feel like God isn’t being faithful to us in this because we think we know what we want, and if it’s not happening then God is failing to come through. I’m tempted to doubt the very character of God when I question His goodness and when I fail to trust that He is true to His word.

But could it be, in these moments of thinking, that I’m not delighting myself in the Lord, but in the ways of the world? Could it be that the real God-given desires of my heart are revealed when I’m in intimate relationship with my God? Could it be that my dream is different than I thought it would be?

Yeah, I think it could be.

You know what’s scary about that to me? The fact that I often think the God-given desires of my heart are greater than I’m willing to admit. The fact that because of God’s Spirit alive in me, my American dream pales in comparison to my God-given dream. The fact that I'm unsure of where those truths are going to lead me.

Content. Joyful. Peaceful. Loving. God, allow these to be adjectives that reflect who I am in you.

Isn't it funny how it all works together? The Almighty, Sovereign God of the Universe has plans for my life. Plans that align with His will and with the desires deep within my heart.

Back in July, I wrote, “I don't know what my desires will be a year from now. But, I can tell you that because I will live a life focused on Christ, my desires will be Christ-given. Because they are from God alone, they, too, will be fulfilled.”

If knowing my desires means I have to know my plans then I’m no closer to knowing now than I was then. I don't know or have a plan for what this new dream exactly is. But, what I can tell you is that without a plan, my desire is still the same: to live a life focused on Christ, to first love God and then love others, and to glorify God.


I want to live life out of a "love that surpasses knowledge", wherever that may be.

Yes, somehow even without knowing what it is, my dream is different now. Praise God.